When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
