Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
