You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
