I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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