Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
