ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
