I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
