he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
