Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
