I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
