Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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