he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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