My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
