im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
