Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
