I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
