Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
