Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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