called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
