i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
