Swine flu. Run for my life!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
did i just pee glitter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
