watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We're too hungover to prance.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
