I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
