So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
