OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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