You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
