She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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