Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
