i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
