isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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