I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
