I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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