My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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