I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
