Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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