We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
