dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
