when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Shame - the story of my life.
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