I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When are your genitals available?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
