Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize