Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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