you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your penis caused this!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
