TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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