I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
