So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
