everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
