You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
