im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
