I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
