started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
