Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
