so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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