I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
