I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
