Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
