Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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