**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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