Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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