I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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