I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
