So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
