Moan for me like Helen Keller
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
