I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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