I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
