dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
