Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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