Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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