went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
