forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
