she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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