I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
