You can't motorboat a personality
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
