ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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