i don't like sucking hair
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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